Sometimes i need to remind myself that i ’ m better than this . That i shouldn ’ t be feeling the way i am over something not worth wasting my energy on . That whatever i ’ m going through , i ’ m stronger than this . Sometimes there are moments when i find myself to be a little weaker than i should or a little more vulnerable than i ’ m supposed to be . And in those moments , i need to remind myself that i ’ m above all these unnecessary things that i allow to get to me . 

Take a deep breath . you ’ re better than this . 

Some people live for it . For some people , they won ’ t even go past this phase because everything that comes after just isn ’ t as exciting . Seeing the distances someone would go to be with you is all part of the plan to keep ones heart safe . How far would you go ? How much will you take ? Will you let anything stand in your way ? Or will you give up and let them walk away ..  

But what some people don ’ t realize is that the chase should never end . In a relationship there will always be a time to run and a time to chase . If they ’ re angry , if they ’ re upset , if they run … then you must chase . Because once you have given up , you will never find them if they know they are not worth chasing .

I ’ ve noticed how people are so quick to judge . But i guess it ’ s just something that can ’ t be helped .

I admit to making wrong decisions in life , i always do . But you must know , there ’ s a reason behind it all .

My biggest regret ?

Not telling anyone right away when i was sexually harrassed by my mother ’ s ex boyfriend . Not knowing that things like that could cause trauma and problems further down in life . In highschool , after having sex with one guy .. i was called a slut . Funny though , because he was a player . And when i finally told someone about what had happened to me when i was younger , i found out that that man ’ s girlfriend was pregnant with a baby girl ..

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You call me a bitch because i ”stole” him from my bestfriend . But let me ask you this . What would you do for love ?  They had history , but they weren ’ t dating . All i knew was their “history” . And no , they were never ex ’ s either .  Was there something wrong in getting to know him ? Was there something wrong in developing feelings ? Because by all means , if you can control what you really feel for a person then i ‘ m completely amazed . And by the time that i had found out that there was something going on between them once again , it was there . That feeling , the kind that creeps up on you unknowingly because you were too busy drowning in happiness because for some strange reason everything in life just happened to be in your favor for once . And yeah , she knew that we talked , she knew we were friends . So when i found out about her liking him again , how do you think it felt ? What was i supposed to do ? What would you have done ? In the end , it was his decision to choose . Maybe you think i was wrong for doing so , i ’ m sorry if it upset you . It was hard for me , but when i think about what would ’ ve happened if things didn ’ t end up this way i don ’ t know if i would be this happy . Hate me , but it won ’ t change anything . I ’ ll still be happy , I ’ ll still be in love .

And lastly , i cook food for my boyfriend because we ’ re human , we get hungry all the time , and there ’ s nothing wrong with wanting to cater to your man is there ? As far as waiting for him to get off work , it was my way of spending time with him and keeping him company on those graveyard shifts . Does that make me a stalker ?

i like to make up for his lack of spacing <3

when you ’ re sick i ’ ll be the one to go out and buy you some orange juice and soup when there isn ’ t any in the fridge . when you ’ re busy i ’ ll be waiting as patiently as i can . when you ’ re angry you can take it on me . when you need a friend i ’ ll be there to listen . when you need help you wouldn ’ t even need to ask . when you ’ re  happy i ’ ll be the reason . when things get rough i ’ ll be right there with you . when you make a decision i ’ ll support it no matter how ridiculous . when you ’ re cold i ’ ll keep you warm . when you ’ re broke i ’ ll give you every cent . when you ’ re old wrinkly i ’ ll still tell you how good you look without lying .

for better or worse ..

richer or poorer ..

in sickness and in health ..

and even before we make those promises before the altar ..

i ’ ll be there every step of the way .

It ’ s 3 in the morning here in LA and three hours ahead there in South Carolina . I pretended to fall asleep just because i knew you wouldn ’ t sleep unless i was first . I really can ’ t sleep because i ’ m sitting here memorizing and taking in every bit of you with the time i have left . Truthfully , skyping with you everynight and waking up to you watching me everymorning has put the insomniac in me on pause and i was able to get some actual rest . It ’ s been nice this past week just skyping with you all day long and watching movies , i guess it ’ s kinda like our long distance version of dinner and a movie dates . Thank you , thank you so much because you did all of that for me . I ’ m sure most guys couldn ’ t sit around watching asian dramas and chick flicks all week .  

It ’ s 3 in the morning here in LA and you ’ ll be leaving for your physical tests and what not . I won ’ t be seeing you or hearing from you for a day or two but i know you ’ ll do well . But just the thought of it all happening , knowing that soon after that you ’ ll be off to basic training for 9 weeks and we won ’ t have ANY contact whatsoever . The thought , is killing me softly . So i ’ m sitting here watching you as you sleep through my monitor thinking about how i ’ m going to get through all of this without you for that period of time . I ’ ll have you again right after Basic Training but who knows how long that ’ ll last before you have to leave again . Maybe i ’ m just getting ahead of myself but it seems to be moving along all to quickly , time won ’ t wait for me .. and you ’ ll be gone in a few hours .

Before you go , know that i ’ ll be thinking of you . Far more often than you would imagine possible because you have engraved yourself into every thought that runs through my mind . Know that i ’ m proud of you and i will continue to support every decision that you choose to make . Know that i ’ ll be here waiting for you when you get back . Most importantly , know that i love you more than anything and the time spent away from me now will be nothing compared to the eternity we ’ ll have together . 

Love Always,

girlfriend <3 

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Valerie and Charles

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